March 23 is Near Miss Day

near miss day

Today is Near Miss Day. On March 23, 1989, an asteroid passed uncomfortably close to Earth.

Asteroids fly by Earth fairly often, with no deleterious effects. If NASA notified us of every space rock in our general vicinity, we’d spend all our time:

  • watching Discovery channel disaster porn about the killer rock that’s probably on its way right now to snuff us like the dinosaurs,
  • sharing dash cam footage of the 2013 meteor explosion over Russia, or
  • searching Armageddon for clues about how to survive.
    (Bruce Willis + Ben Affleck x Aerosmith = a fate worse than death)

The asteroid known as 4581 Asclepius passed us at a distance of 684,000 km (425,000 mi) and briefly occupied the exact spot where Earth had been only six hours earlier. It might have caused concern if anyone had noticed it at the time. Amateur astronomer Dr. Henry Holt discovered it a week later.

After the fact, NASA breathlessly reported a made-for-Hollywood doomsday scenario, stating that the asteroid was at least half a mile (over 800 meters) in diameter. But studies of its brightness, likely composition and other factors have created scientific consensus that 4581 Asclepius is most likely 300 meters in diameter.

Why is this important? An asteroid would have to be at least 1 kilometer in diameter to precipitate an extinction-level event. But a comparatively small asteroid, while not a planet killer, would still devastate a large area, whether it hit the ocean, cratered on land or exploded in the atmosphere.

The best spin we can put on it is this: If you’re reading this, nothing has happened yet. The scientists watching the skies can’t stop an asteroid strike, but they will be able to let us know we’re doomed so we can make our last moments count. (Hint: Delete Deep Impact from your Netlix queue.) Until then, have a happy Near Miss Day!

Copyright © 2017 Worldwide Weird Holidays

March 23 is Cuddly Kitten Day

Today is Cuddly Kitten Day. We have been unable to locate its creators and can only assume they felt there were not enough photos, videos, books, magazines and websites dedicated to felines already. Perhaps our profile of National Cat Day on October 29th fell short of their expectations, too.

A day like this can be very stressful at Worldwide Weird Holidays, requiring hours and sometimes days of in-depth research and debate about what renders a kitten irresistible. We have concluded that nearly everything except their hairballs and stinky litter is cute, although there are some statistical outliers who think even hairballs qualify if the kitten barfs them up them in an endearing way.

We present, for your enjoyment, a small selection of kitties:

Since it just happens to be National Puppy Day, too, we’re throwing in kittens with puppies. Awwww!

Happy Cuddly Kitten Day and National Puppy Day!

Copyright 2016 Worldwide Weird Holidays

March 22 is International Talk Like William Shatner Day

international talk like william shatner day

Can’t talk…Spanx…too tight.

Today is International Talk Like William Shatner Day (ITLWSD). In 2009, Maurice LaMarche and Doug VanHorn bumped into each other on Facebook while each was attempting to have March 22nd–Shatner’s birthday—designated as ITLWSD. Though initially sworn enemies locked in a Lazarus-like battle over who’d thought of it first, the men eventually joined forces to promote the brash, percussive vocal stylings of Shatner.

If smooth jazz and slam poetry had a baby, then gave him up to be raised in a nunnery next door to the Playboy mansion, the conditions might be right to forge another Shatner-class individual. But in our opinion, it can’t be done. Shatner didn’t just break the mold: he smashed his way out and pulverized it with his pudgy newborn fists. Does any of this describe the man? Is the real Shatner somewhere in that bouquet of imagery? Who knows? That’s the mystery of Shatner. He runs too deep to plumb.

Maurice LaMarche is a voice actor known for his work on Futurama, The Simpsons, Pinky and the Brain, Team America: World Police and Frozen, among many others. If you play Six Degrees of Separation with him, you’ll be done after one. We’ve all heard his voice in something. (Take that, Kevin Bacon.) Mr. VanHorn’s personal Facebook page points out that Donald Trump looks alarmingly similar to an Oompa-Loompa. Look it up; the resemblance is astonishing.

In this inaugural video from 2009, LaMarche sets the stage with a lesson on the basics of talking like Shatner. A few days before the second annual ITLWSD, he and Kevin Pollak impersonate Shatner with lines from Sh*t My Dad Says, a short-lived sitcom.

Leonard Nimoy impersonated Shatner and his Star Trek 2 eulogy: “Of all the souls I have met in my travels, his was the most human.”

Here’s a fantastic standup Shatner bit by Pollak.  Seth MacFarlane does Shatner on Bill Maher’s show.  Watch  John Belushi as Shatner in this classic Saturday Night Live sketch.

Of course, it is his day, too, so we’ll let the birthday boy have the last word.

international talk like william shatner day

Happy birthday, William Shatner! Happy International Talk Like William Shatner Day!

Copyright © 2017 Worldwide Weird Holidays

March 20 is Extraterrestrial Abduction Day

extraterrestrial abduction day

artwork – happyworker.com

Today is Extraterrestrial Abduction Day. While we have been unable to identify the creator of this holiday, we can report the widespread belief that it was inspired by an Alien Abduction Day festival held on March 20, 2008, in Toronto, Canada. (It was never repeated. Could a mass abduction have caused the festival’s mysterious disappearance?)

Here are a few ways to celebrate Extraterrestrial Abduction Day:

  1. Host a Close Encounters of the Third Kind themed mashed potato sculpture contest.
  2. Hold a chili-cookoff after screening To Serve Man.
  3. Share: Tom Cruise’s $200 jeans, which his character couldn’t have afforded on a longshoreman’s salary, destroyed the believability of the War of the Worlds remake.
  4. Discuss: Aliens allergic to water, à la Signs, would never be dumb enough to try to take over a planet covered in, duh, water.
  5. Debate: J.J. Abrams—genius or jackwagon?

If one day is just not enough, don’t worry: you haven’t missed the (space) boat. The annual UFO Festival is held in McMinnville, Oregon, on a weekend in May. Lecturers in 2017 include Melanie Young, who quit her job as a nurse to prove that an unknown species had once existed peacefully with humans, a hypothesis she’d reached after someone gave her a weird-looking skull in 1998.

The keynote speaker in 2016 was Dr. Lynne Kitei, one of many witnesses to the “Phoenix Lights,” a mass sighting of five lights in the sky over Phoenix, Arizona on March 13, 1997. After seven years of silence, Kitei came forward, writing a book about her experience. She left her medical practice to tour the globe. It’s probably for the best: After sharing her own close encounter, how could she order a colonoscopy without her patients hearing “anal probe” and running for the door?

Copyright © 2017 Worldwide Weird Holidays