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April 8 is Dog Farting Awareness Day

Have you ever let slip a silent-but-deadly gas bomb and blamed it on the dog just as your guests see him through the window, playing in the yard? Worse yet, have you ever done it only to have your friends remind you that you don’t own a dog?

Hey, we’ve all been there. It’s safe to say that anyone who’s experienced the noxious fumes a dog emits is aware of their existence. We can only assume that the creator of Dog Farting Awareness Day wanted to harness the power of canine flatus for the good of mankind.
dog farting awareness day

With that in mind, we want to lay some truth on you. No one is going to believe the dog did it, even when the dog did it. Friends will ask the usual questions: Did a squirrel get trapped and die in your crawlspace?  Are you on a cabbage diet? Do you have some saline so I can flush my burning eyes? If I cook you dinner, how many food groups will I have to omit so you won’t fumigate my apartment? And hey, I can’t afford an exterminator—could you come over and fumigate my apartment?

Your pooch only needs to scarf one box of cereal and release a fog that gags the cable guy for you to figure out he has a wheat allergy. Should you buy it again and keep it on a shelf out of his reach? Maybe he’s trying to tell you something. Could gluten be responsible for your last three failed relationships?

We’re going to take a stand here. Farts are funny. Shocking, we know, but please don’t write us to complain. We donate all our hate mail to charity. Excessive farting—only you can say how much is too much—could be a sign of malabsorption syndrome in animals and humans. So stay vigilant. And never fart in an elevator; only sociopaths do that.

Have a happy Dog Farting Awareness Day!

Copyright © 2017 Worldwide Weird Holidays

 

March 31 is National “She’s Funny That Way” Day

Today is National “She’s Funny That Way” Day. Its purpose is to pay tribute to the women who make us laugh all year long.

national she's funny that way dayAuthor Brenda Meridith created today’s holiday to coincide with the March 2003 publication of her coming-of-age novel entitled She’s Funny That Way.

There are many ways to celebrate: watch comedic movies and TV shows, catch a stand-up act in person or online, read humorous essays and books, or just call up the funniest woman you know and laugh until you run out of minutes.

Here is a partial list of women who crack us up:

  • Julia Louis-Dreyfus
  • Amy Schumer
  • Ilana Glazer
  • Abbi Jacobson
  • Jenny Slate
  • Natasha Leggero
  • Chelsea Peretti
  • Lena Dunham
  • Whitney Cummings
  • Jessica Williams
  • Sarah Silverman
  • Cameron Esposito
  • Samantha Bee
  • Melissa McCarthy
  • Tina Fey
  • Amy Poehler
  • Kristen Schaal
  • Eliza Coupe
  • Casey Wilson
  • Lisa Kudrow
  • Jen Kirkman
  • Iliza Schlesinger
  • Tymberlee Hill
  • Danielle Schneider
  • Lisa Lampanelli

We know we’ve overlooked many hilarious ladies/women/girls/females/goddesses. If you feel there’s been a miscarriage of justice, by all means, let us know. Write your suggestions in the Comments section and we’ll add them to the list. (We’ll give you proper credit, of course.)

While we understand that humor is subjective and some material might be considered offensive, we will not remove anyone from the list. We don’t present ourselves as the ultimate arbiter of taste and trust our readers to keep their own counsel regarding what they choose to watch and read.

Have a happy National “She’s Funny That Way” Day!

Copyright © 2017 Worldwide Weird Holidays

March 22 is International Talk Like William Shatner Day

international talk like william shatner day

Can’t talk…Spanx…too tight.

Today is International Talk Like William Shatner Day (ITLWSD). In 2009, Maurice LaMarche and Doug VanHorn bumped into each other on Facebook while each was attempting to have March 22nd–Shatner’s birthday—designated as ITLWSD. Though initially sworn enemies locked in a Lazarus-like battle over who’d thought of it first, the men eventually joined forces to promote the brash, percussive vocal stylings of Shatner.

If smooth jazz and slam poetry had a baby, then gave him up to be raised in a nunnery next door to the Playboy mansion, the conditions might be right to forge another Shatner-class individual. But in our opinion, it can’t be done. Shatner didn’t just break the mold: he smashed his way out and pulverized it with his pudgy newborn fists. Does any of this describe the man? Is the real Shatner somewhere in that bouquet of imagery? Who knows? That’s the mystery of Shatner. He runs too deep to plumb.

Maurice LaMarche is a voice actor known for his work on Futurama, The Simpsons, Pinky and the Brain, Team America: World Police and Frozen, among many others. If you play Six Degrees of Separation with him, you’ll be done after one. We’ve all heard his voice in something. (Take that, Kevin Bacon.) Mr. VanHorn’s personal Facebook page points out that Donald Trump looks alarmingly similar to an Oompa-Loompa. Look it up; the resemblance is astonishing.

In this inaugural video from 2009, LaMarche sets the stage with a lesson on the basics of talking like Shatner. A few days before the second annual ITLWSD, he and Kevin Pollak impersonate Shatner with lines from Sh*t My Dad Says, a short-lived sitcom.

Leonard Nimoy impersonated Shatner and his Star Trek 2 eulogy: “Of all the souls I have met in my travels, his was the most human.”

Here’s a fantastic standup Shatner bit by Pollak.  Seth MacFarlane does Shatner on Bill Maher’s show.  Watch  John Belushi as Shatner in this classic Saturday Night Live sketch.

Of course, it is his day, too, so we’ll let the birthday boy have the last word.

international talk like william shatner day

Happy birthday, William Shatner! Happy International Talk Like William Shatner Day!

Copyright © 2017 Worldwide Weird Holidays

March 18 is Awkward Moments Day

awkward moments

is for Awkward

awkward

adjective
US /ˈɔk·wərd/
1. difficult to use, do, or deal with:
The computer came in a big box that was awkward to carry.
2. causing inconvenience, anxiety, or embarrassment:
It was an awkward situation, because the restaurant was too expensive for us but we didn’t want to just get up and walk out.
3. Someone who feels awkward feels embarrassed or nervous:
We were the first to arrive at the party and felt a little awkward.
4. lacking grace or skill when moving:
He’s too awkward – he’ll never be a good dancer.

(Definition from Cambridge Academic Content Dictionary © Cambridge University Press)

hear pronunciation Warning: If you decide to listen to this  audio clip at the office, be warned that it is automatically followed by pronunciation of the word “pedophile.” That will not be easy to explain to Human Resources.

In honor of Awkward Moments Day, we’d like to offer a few examples of instances when you would gladly teleport onto the face of the sun to get away from the situation in which you find yourself.

You meet your boyfriend’s parents and, in the middle of dinner, realize you have a need to defecate that will not be denied. You excuse yourself to use their bathroom. When you finish, the toilet won’t flush. Panic-stricken, you flush again. The toilet overflows.

You keep telling your parents about a favorite show you’re sure they’ll love. When they visit, you queue it up on Netflix. Unfortunately, you forgot about the nudity and “sexposition”–when boring plot points are discussed while two or more people enjoy each other’s earthly wares. You might call it Game of Thrones Syndrome when you’re ready to laugh about it a decade from now. But most likely, never.

You’re on your way out when a neighbor gets on the elevator with you. You say hi and then stare at the door as if it’s so interesting it should be hanging in an art gallery. You purposely lag behind when getting off on the first floor, but she holds the front door open so you have to break into a half-jog to catch up. You say “thanks,” she says, “you’re welcome,” and turns away. You realize you’re going in the same direction.

After everyone else leaves and the boss is gone, you blast rap music through the office’s stereo system. The doorbell rings and you buzz the person in, figuring it’s a late delivery. But it’s a prospective client who’s stopped by to pick up information just as a song kicks in with, “Hey, m*f*, hey, m*f*, yo!” You scramble to turn it off, then pretend nothing happened, desperate that he do the same. After a minute that feels like an hour, he turns around and leaves.

Your debit card is rejected after the cashier has rung up a huge load of groceries. You start to sweat as you ask her to try again, stammering about how it must be a mistake, that you checked your balance just hours before. You try to ignore her facial expression as she puts your bags aside so you can run to the store’s ATM. Once there, you realize it’s not a mistake, and you can either go back, remove items and split payment between cash and the card…or run away and never shop there again.

You’re wheeling a cart stuffed with dirty clothes to the laundromat. As you cross the street, you see a cute guy walking toward you. You think he might be looking at you; you’re not interested but, still, it’s nice to be noticed. The cart abruptly halts as the wheels catch on the edge of the curb, and you walk into it, bashing your shins and falling over it as it tips over, spilling your underwear out onto the ground as the guy passes by. He never breaks stride.

Have a happy Awkward Moments Day!

Copyright © 2017 Worldwide Weird Holidays