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Chaos Never Dies Day

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chaos never dies dayToday is Chaos Never Dies Day. At least, I think it is. When I first wrote about this unofficial holiday a decade ago, I had no idea I’d get tangled up in that chaos thanks to the Internet and a Florida man’s radio talk show. (More on that later.)

Why this holiday? Since no one has claimed responsibility for creating it, there’s no one to ask. Although a current AI search traces the first mention to 2016, the Internet Archive’s Wayback Machine still has a snapshot of my post about it from November 2015, and I can tell you I didn’t make it up—unless I traveled through time to give myself the idea.

I’m reminded of debates over whether Kyle Reese could hop in a time machine and sleep with Sarah Connor, thereby fathering the person who would one day send him back. What? That paradox in The Terminator still gives me a headache, so I’m just going to have to let Skynet win this one. Please don’t judge me.

Why today? November 9th might have been chosen because it coincides with the Northeast blackout of 1965. Or the day in 1888 when the last-known victim of Jack the Ripper was found. In the absence of evidence to the contrary, why not both?

What is chaos? I’m reminded of  Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart’s response when asked to describe obscenity. He couldn’t define it, he said, “but I know it when I see it.”  Chaos can be equally hard to explain, at least for me, depending on myriad factors such as timing, location, and circumstances.

In Greek mythology, Chaos was the first primeval god to come into existence at the creation of the universe. Her name comes from the Latin khaos, meaning  “gap” or the space between heaven and earth.

Chaos theory is a branch of mathematics that describes the behavior of non-linear systems and attempts to find underlying order in what appear to be random events or data.

Here are a few quotes illustrating different views of chaos.

We live in a rainbow of chaos. – Paul Cezanne
Freedom is just chaos, with better lighting. – Alan Dean Foster
Chaos is the score upon which reality is written. –  Henry Miller
I like order. It allows me to have chaos in my head. – Dwight Yoakum

Here’s the dictionary definition.

Chaos
noun
1. A state of utter confusion or disorder; a total lack of organization or order.
2. Any confused, disorderly mass: a chaos of meaningless phrases.
3. The infinity of space or formless matter supposed to have preceded the existence of the ordered universe.
4. The personification of this in any of several ancient Greek myths.
5. Obsolete. A chasm or abyss.

And here comes my role in the story.

Chaos, 2017

On November 8, 2017, I was invited to speak about Chaos Never Dies Day on a radio show. With less than 24 hours’ notice, I scrambled to cram the online equivalent of Chaos Theory for Dummies to prepare.

The show’s booker told me I’d also be asked to explain how I came to write about weird holidays and talk about any notable ones taking place before the end of the year. I gathered information on two of the wackiest: Start Your Own Country Day and Tió de Nadal, which involves a Christmas log that craps out presents when beaten with a stick.

He didn’t tell me the show’s theme was “Are we Stuck in a Bad News Hell?” or that the guests before me would be talking about parenting in the wake of a mass shooting in Texas.

The Michael S Robinson Show banner

When Michael S. Robinson introduced me, I described the beauty of the order hidden within what we perceive as chaos, using the example of football, which can’t be predicted in strictly linear terms by the sum of the players’ and team’s rankings, because of variables like team chemistry, whether it’s a home or away game, the quarterback’s attitude, etc. Since I’m confident you’ll never hear the interview, I’m going to say it was brilliant.

But Mr. Robinson wanted to talk about everyday chaos. How did I try so hard yet end up woefully unprepared? I didn’t just strike out. I left my bat in the dugout and brought a cello to the plate. I’d like to credit chaos in some artful way by suggesting it created a perfect trajectory I can’t identify. That’s hogwash, of course—or is it? (It is.)

In my defense, I’d never heard the radio show before, and in my rush to speak knowledgeably about the theory behind the holiday and bring the funny about two other wacky holidays, I didn’t take the time to check it out. I was never asked about any of that.

And during the call, I had feedback blasting my words back at me, making it almost impossible to speak normally. There’s nothing worse than hearing your own voice faltering in near-real time. Again, chaos. It’s probably just as well they spelled my name Kathlene Zaya.

$99,000 Answer The Honeymooners Ralph KramdenAll this reminds me of the $99,000 Answer, an episode of The Honeymooners in which Ralph Kramden prepares to go on a game show where he’ll be required to identify songs by the first few bars.

He rents a piano and has Ed Norton play musical selections all week to prepare for the event. Ed always warms up by playing the first few bars of “Swanee River,” which never fails to annoy Ralph.

The night of the show, the first tune played is “Swanee River,” which he can’t name. He loses despite all his preparation. I laughed but felt bad for Ralph, perpetual loser.

It also reminds me of the Curb Your Enthusiasm episode where Larry David did something stupid or thoughtless because he misunderstood the context of a situation, or maybe because he was a jerk. (In other words, every episode.)

Fictional chaos theorist Ian Malcolm said in Jurassic Park, “Life finds a way.” So do laughs, but not always the ones you want or on the schedule you’d prefer.

Chaos, Now

Unsurprisingly, I’ve never been asked to return to Mr. Robinson’s show. Perhaps my invitation got lost in the (e)mail. There’s certainly much to discuss: Trump’s hair—pure chaos!—or the discovery that the Mayans invented television. (In honor of today’s holiday and to wash away the image of Trump, please click on that last link for the whacked-out philosophical stylings of a character in one of my favorite movies, Repo Man. Better yet, watch it.)

Also, in the first update I wrote in 2017, I misidentified fictional character Ian Malcolm as David Malcom. I regret the error and know that my use of flawed web research has introduced yet another tiny bit of chaos to the Internet. Whether I created this holiday or not, I guess you could say I’m doing my part.

Whether you choose to fight chaos today or welcome it with open arms, have a wonderful Chaos Never Dies Day! See you next year.

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International Tongue Twister Day

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Today is International Tongue Twister Day. Celebrate with these doozies chosen for their fun and difficulty. Will they leave you speechless? Read aloud and repeat, if you dare.

international tongue twister day twisted tongueIn 2013, researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) tripped up volunteers with the following word combination, which they declared the most difficult tongue twister in the English language.

Pad kid poured curd pulled cod.

It was judged to be even harder to say than a longstanding favorite introduced in 1990 by American expert (and MIT graduate) William Poundstone:

The seething sea ceaseth and thus the seething sea sufficeth us.

Guinness World Records stopped monitoring the category after 1974, when it gave the following sentence its highest marks:

The sixth sick sheikh’s sixth sheep’s sick.

What are the elements of a tongue twister? Our brains can handle words that sound identical, like “I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream.” It’s the same story with words that sound very different from each other, such as “How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?”

At a meeting of the Acoustical Society of America in San Francisco, CA, the MIT team presented findings that different types of tongue twisters have distinct effects on our brains, lips, tongues, and throats as we produce speech errors.

Our brains get drawn up short when we attempt to jump between two nearly identical sounds, confusing one sound with the other. “She sells seashells on the seashore” twists the tongue because the sss and shh sounds are similar but not exactly the same. Speech errors also occur when we try to repeat certain words or phrases quickly. For instance,  “toy boat” several times in a row turns into “toy boyt,” while “top cop” becomes “cop cop.”

Insight into such slip-ups may help researchers understand how humans process and plan speech. As we speak, we must coordinate movements of the lips, tongue, jaw, and larynx. Our brains may sort sounds by which muscles need to move to produce them, such as front-of-the-tongue sounds (sss), back-of-the-tongue sounds (ga), and lip sounds (ma).

“This implies that tongue twisters are hard because the representations in the brain greatly overlap,” Edward Chang, a neuroscientist at the University of California, told Nature.

Invite some people over for an International Tongue Twister Day party and have fun trying to say some of these whoppers.

Rubber baby buggy bumpers
I saw a kitten eating chicken in the kitchen.
Lesser leather never weathered wetter weather better.

Here’s a little tongue twister trivia to amaze your friends.

We all know this Mother Goose nursery rhyme:

Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers;
A peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked;
If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers,
Where’s the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?

But did you know that it was inspired by the life of one-armed Frenchman Pierre Poivre? An 18th-century horticulturist and pirate, Poivre raided spice stores and smuggled the seeds back to France. Poivre often stole nutmeg seeds, which were nicknamed “peppers.”

Another famous tongue twister was taken from a song written in 1908.

She sells seashells by the seashore;
The shells she sells are seashells, I’m sure.
So if she sells seashells by the seashore,
I’m sure she sells seashore shells.

Terry Sullivan’s ditty paid tribute to Mary Anning, whose father taught her to find and dig fossils from the cliffs of Lyme Regis in Dorset, England. As an adult, she famously unearthed a previously unknown type of dinosaur, later named Plesiosaurus.

Which do you like? Which one is the hardest to say? Should a nonsense phrase like “pad kid poured curd pulled cod” be considered a tongue twister, or is it cheating? What do you think?

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Plan Your Epitaph Day

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Depending on how you view it, a tombstone is your last chance to say goodbye, crack a joke, be profound, or otherwise make cemetery visitors imagine you were cool and wish they’d known you before they move on to visit their Nana’s weed-covered resting place.

Plan Your Epitaph Day was created by Lance Hardie in 1995 to coincide with the Day of the Dead (Dia de los Muertos), a Mexican holiday that honors the souls of departed loved ones. Hardie’s goal was simple: to make sure that we take control of our epitaphs, those few all-important words that will tell those who see them what we’d like them to think about who we used to be.

Playing with the idea of death is encouraged at this time of year. We dress up for Halloween and laugh, perhaps a bit timorously, at shadows. It’s also a time for reflection and mental housekeeping, as we’ve seen with holidays recently profiled here, such as Create a Great Funeral Day, Visit a Cemetery Day, and even National Magic Day, with its tribute to the death of Harry Houdini.

Let’s take a look at a couple of epitaphs quoted by Hardie.

W.C. Fields

Sadly, we must begin by debunking a favorite of ours: W.C. Fields did not have this on his gravestone:

“Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.”

Fields was no fan of  Philadelphia, famously calling it “a cemetery with lights.” When he was invited to contribute his own epitaph for the June 1925 issue of Vanity Fair, it was no surprise that Philly rated a mention. Since then, various permutations of the pithy comment have coalesced into a myth about his gravestone.

As it turns out, Fields didn’t use his headstone to take one last jab for posterity. (Perhaps he worried the joke would not stay fresh through the ages, or didn’t care since he wouldn’t be around to witness it?) Instead, it simply reads “W.C. Fields 1880 – 1946”.

plan your epitaph day wc fields

William Shakespeare

Hardie also cites Shakespeare’s epitaph. This one does exist in the Collegiate Church of the Holy Trinity in Stratford-Upon-Avon, England. The gravestone is badly eroded and reads:

plan your epitaph day

GOOD FREND FOR JESUS SAKE FORBEARE

TO DIGG THE DUST ENCLOASED HEARE

BLESE BE THE MAN THAT SPARES THES STONES

AND CURST BE HE THAT MOVES MY BONES

Shakespeare didn’t leave a spooky epitaph to be studied and interpreted in perpetuity. He left instructions. In his day, it was accepted practice to dig up bones from the church’s graveyard and tombs, moving them to make room for more burials. They were placed in a charnel house and subsequently burned.

(Some claim this was called the “bonefire of the vanities.” Although that would be a heck of an origin story for the title of Tom Wolfe’s book, we could find no proof of it.)

Shakespeare knew and disdained the church’s practice of recycling graves. He may have also meant to dissuade the government from moving his bones to Westminster Abbey. Thus far, his wishes have been honored.

A Sad Update

When we first wrote about him in 2015, Hardie was 79. He died the following year on October 27, 2016. It was surprisingly hard to find and verify this information, especially given the research capacity on today’s Internet. We had to triangulate his hometowns of Arcata and Eureka, CA, work history, and even his bequest to Humboldt State University to support future generations of students researching sustainable technology. We’ve been unable to find an obituary in any newspaper.

The saddest thing of all is that we haven’t found any record of the epitaph he wrote for himself, or a photo or description of his headstone. Sites like FindAGrave.com are dedicated to documenting grave markers worldwide. If you have this information, please contact us. It’s a shame not to know what Mr. Hardie chose to leave as his last words from beyond the grave.

What Now?

For anyone daunted by the prospect of writing their own epitaph, Mr. Hardie offered to write it for them. He didn’t provide prices, just noted it would be expensive. He did make exceptions for death row inmates and members of the U.S. military about to report to a war zone; he offered to write their epitaphs for free. (Death row inmates needed to provide the date of execution; service members, proof of their orders.)

We need to take a moment to point out that many who die in prison have no means to pay for their funerals and end up in prison graveyards like Captain Joe Byrd Cemetery in Texas, the largest in the country. They lie beneath markers that bear only name, inmate number, and date of death.  Notorious killers are routinely identified by inmate number alone to discourage visitation and vandalism. Not much need for epitaphs there, free or otherwise.

In any case, Mr. Hardie is no longer available to take requests, and it doesn’t appear that anyone else has picked up his mantle. It could be an interesting career in an untapped market for those with a gift for writing a customer’s final soundbite. Food for thought.

For now, let’s get back to the fun stuff. A Google search for “funny epitaphs” returns thousands of results, including this one at BoredPanda. If you need some inspiration, use this epitaph generator at WikiHow. (Yes, WikiHow is still a thing.)

Here at Worldwide Weird Holidays, we want to get in on the fun and like to imagine the impact this would have in any cemetery at dusk:

plan your epitaph day tombstone

 Feel free to use it: no charge. It’s our gift to you.

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National Magic Day

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Everybody knows today is Halloween. But it’s also National Magic Day, when members of the Society of American Magicians (SAM) and many other groups celebrate by offering free magic performances for kids, the ill, the elderly, and shut-ins.

Why is this holiday celebrated today? In 1938, a Chicago member of SAM proposed a holiday to honor Harry Houdini. October 31st was declared National Magic Day in memory of the day Houdini died.

national magic day houdini in chains

Houdini set the standard for a type of performance known as Escape Or Die. There are at least three possible ways for a magician to risk his life in the event of failure.  These are death by drowning, as in the water escapes Houdini pioneered; death by suffocation, as in escapes from airtight enclosures such as coffins; and death by falling (also originated by Houdini), in a straitjacket escape while hanging from high above the earth, where falling meant certain death.

In 1915, at the Panama-Pacific International Exposition in San Francisco, Houdini was chained in a locked box weighted down with 500 pounds of iron and dropped into the bay. He escaped. To celebrate the fair’s centennial, the Palace of Fine Arts, the only building to remain from the exposition, constructed an “escape room” that challenged all who entered to escape within 80 minutes.

On September 30, 1926, in Worcester, MA, he performed the first public test of an airtight coffin, seeking to prove there were no secret tubes siphoning air to him or other trickery. The Daily Telegram reported that Houdini would be sealed for one hour “in the coffin in which he will be buried when he dies.”

national magic day houdini coffin test

The test went off without a hitch. What no one knew then was that it would become Houdini’s casket only one month later, after his death on Halloween 1926.

Houdini wasn’t killed by a feat gone wrong; he died of diffuse peritonitis due to acute appendicitis, widely believed to have been caused by a punch to his abdomen on the morning of October 22, 1926. A young man who may have been a college student, an amateur boxer, or both decided to test Houdini’s boast that he could withstand any blow. The magician later claimed he was injured only because he wasn’t given time to prepare by tensing his abdominal muscles.

Research shows it’s unlikely that a punch could directly rupture an appendix, even one that’s already inflamed. In any case, Houdini mistakenly assumed the pain he suffered afterward was due only to the punch, leading him to refuse medical treatment for what could have been a routine case of appendicitis.

Instead, he continued to perform for two more days until, overwhelmed by pain, he agreed to be hospitalized. The surgeon who removed his appendix found it had burst, spreading peritonitis throughout Houdini’s body. The odds were against him in the days before antibiotics, but he held on and endured another surgery, seeming to rally before finally slipping away on October 31st at the age of 52.

Ten years later, his wife Bess held what she called The Final Houdini Séance on the roof of the Knickerbocker Hotel. Supposedly, she had a compact with her late husband to contact her within ten years. There’s nothing to substantiate that. It appears that Bess wanted the subject of communicating with Harry to be closed. After her husband did not reappear,  she wrote:

Since the failure of the ten-year test, it is my opinion that all concerned have struck a mighty worldwide blow at superstition.

There is a recording of the séance or, more likely, a theatrical reading of the transcript, which was released as an album. On it, Bess says, “It is finished.”

She couldn’t have been more wrong. The “final” séance spawned dozens of Halloween Houdini séances that continue to this day. Some bill themselves as “official.” As Houdini himself would tell you, that’s impossible. One thing’s for sure: If séances work, then Mr. Houdini’s phone is ringing off the hook right about now.

*****

P.S. Houdini was well known for his hostility to the Spiritualism movement so popular in his day and attempted to discredit so-called mediums at every turn. (He had tried to contact his dead brother and father as a young man and was embittered by the experience.)

So it seems a bit odd that he befriended Arthur Conan Doyle, who was a fervent believer in psychic phenomena. Each sought to convert the other until Doyle’s wife Jean offered to contact Houdini’s mother shortly after her death.

He agreed, wanting to believe it was possible.  During the séance, Jean went into a trance while holding a pencil and jotted a message from Houdini’s mother through a method known as “automatic writing.” Houdini took the note, saying nothing about the fact that his mother had never learned to read or write and, in any case, spoke no English.

He went public soon after, saying that he didn’t believe the Doyles were being intentionally deceitful. They were simply gullible. Doyle responded by saying the language of the spirit is universal. Their friendship never recovered.

Read more about Houdini’s amazing exploits. Honor his skepticism of mediums and con artists, while experiencing the childlike wonder of a magic show. Have a happy National Magic Day!

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