Tio de Nadal

/0 Comments/in

Some homes hang stockings from the mantelpiece. Families in Catalonia, Spain, celebrate the run-up to Christmas by placing a Tió de Nadal in front of the fireplace. Although Tió de Nadal translates most wholesomely to “Christmas log,” it is better known by the name Caja Tió, which we’re going to refer to as “Poop Log” in order to avoid offending any delicate sensibilities. Feel free to fill in the appropriate four-letter word as needed.

Tio de Nadal

Originally a simple rough-hewn piece of wood, the tió’s appearance has been upgraded in recent years. Modern iterations stand on two or even four stick legs, have a smiling face painted on the upper end and often sport a red hat.

Beginning on December 8th to coincide with the Feast of the Immaculate Conception, children must “feed” the tió bits of fruits, nuts and water, draping it in a blanket to keep it warm, in the hope that their care will awaken its spirit of generosity so it will poop out many gifts on Christmas Day.

The children’s kindness ends there. They must go into another room to pray for the poop log to deliver lots of goodies while the adults surreptitiously place gifts under the blanket. (We’re assuming the log doesn’t have magical powers.) Then the children reenter and beat on the log with sticks to make it defecate while they sing various versions of the Caga Tió song.

“Caga tió, caga torró,
avellanes i mató,
si no cagues bé
et daré un cop de bastó.
caga tió!”

S***, log, s*** nougats,
hazelnuts and mató cheese,
if you don’t s*** well,
I’ll hit you with a stick,
s*** log!

After each verse, a child reaches under the blanket and takes a gift. After opening it, the song begins again. The tió gives candies, nuts and dried fruits; larger items are believed to be delivered but the Three Wise Men. (Duh!) The log drops a herring, head of garlic or onion to indicate there is no more poop to be had. (That part may be magic. We’re not sure of logistics involved.) At that point, the beatings cease and the tió is thrown into the fire and burned.

You can’t make this s*** up.

Copyright 2016 Worldwide Weird Holidays

Share this:

December 8 is Take It in the Ear Day

/0 Comments/in

What the heck is Take It in the Ear Day?

We don’t know who came up with Take It in the Ear Day, why they did or what it means. We can’t find any reference to its origin; it’s kept alive by holiday sites. (Full disclosure: we are now contributing to that.)take it in the ear day

“Taking it in the ear” sounds, at best, uncomfortable and very possibly unsanitary. At worst, if it’s missing an “r,” as some say, it’s illegal in Florida, Alabama, Michigan, Idaho, Kansas, Mississippi, Louisiana, North Carolina, Oklahoma, South Carolina, Texas, and Utah. (Those states refuse to follow the 2003 U.S. Supreme Court ruling that such laws are unconstitutional.)

How can I celebrate Take It in the Ear Day?

Here are a few fun ear-centric activities to try:

At a gathering, intone, “Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears.” The force of their tepid laughter will indicate the depth of their fondness for you. Someone who is embarrassed for you is most assuredly your friend.

Whisper sweet nothings into your true love’s ear. It should go without saying that this person, while not necessarily loving you back, at the very least knows you and will not be alarmed by your approach. (Otherwise, pepper spray and restraining orders may ensue. Also, lay off the garlic.)

Call a friend and listen. (Say hello first, of course, or it could get confusing.) Sometimes all someone needs is a sympathetic ear. You can also gift that honor to others by talking their ears off. They may never appreciate your sacrifice so we’ll say it: Well done.

Pierce your ear(s). Know when to say when, though. If you go to the beach and a metal detector dragging an old guy attaches itself to your head, you may need to cut back on your ear gear. (A note about ear gauges: nobody likes floppy earlobes except Buddha and plastic surgeons.)

Make a pair of Spock ears in your microwave. Instructions here.

Our Favorite Ear Quotes

The ear is the avenue to the heart.
Voltaire

Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice.
William Shakespeare

I ain’t the same person I was when I bit that guy’s ear off.
Mike Tyson

Just do it!

While we aren’t sure what “it” is, we do know that today should be fun. Remember this old adage: Never stick anything smaller than your elbow in your ear. If you can do that, you either have a tiny elbow or a huge elephantine ear–or both–and you deserve a holiday of your own. (Call us!)

Copyright 2016 Worldwide Weird Holidays